Serving San Diego and California families virtually, I help post-divorce co-parents update agreements, restore communication, and build plans that hold as life changes.
Our agreement isn't being followed. Can mediation help with that?⌄
Mediation cannot create or enforce court orders — that's the court's role. But before you go back to court, it's worth asking a different question: why isn't the agreement being followed? Most non-compliance isn't bad faith. More often it's a plan that doesn't fit reality anymore. Here's something built into every parenting plan I work on: while we are drafting the agreement, week to week, we treat it as a living one. We try things, come back together to check how it's going, and tweak what isn't working. By the time the paperwork is finalized, everything has been tested and is ready to go. Mediating a change to a plan isn't failure — and it doesn't drag you back to court. A mediated agreement can exist as a private contract between you and your co-parent, separate from the court system entirely.
Life has changed. Do we need to come back to mediation?⌄
Probably — at some point. And that's not a sign that something went wrong. Children grow up. Work situations change. Relationships evolve. In the first year or two after a divorce, it's common to come back a few times as you move through the seasons together for the first time. March is one of the busiest months — parents come in with summer camp schedules and scholarship deadlines. Later, the touchpoints get smaller: the transition from elementary to middle school, a bar mitzvah, a quinceañera, a new partner who changes the household dynamic. Over time, something else happens: you get better at this. Most families find that over the years they need less outside help, because they've developed the capacity to negotiate their own modifications. That's the goal.
Co-parenting has completely broken down. We can't communicate at all.⌄
This is where the work gets harder — and more important. When communication has broken down entirely, the children are almost always caught in the middle. The first step isn't fixing the agreement. It's creating enough structure that you don't have to communicate directly about everything — a co-parenting app that logs exchanges, a communication protocol written into the plan, a scheduled check-in cadence. If communication has broken down to the point where mediation itself feels impossible, parenting coordination may be the right next step — a more structured process with a professional who has the authority to make decisions when you genuinely cannot.
Learn more about parenting coordination →