We are mid-divorce or at an impasse

Every mediation starts with the same four sessions: a joint session where I learn about your goals and needs together; two individual sessions where each of you can speak more freely; and the fourth session where we set our agenda and begin moving through the actual issues. From there, no two families move through this the same way. Young children at the center: we start with the parenting plan, then budgets, then property. A child with developmental needs: we pause to gather more information first. A grey divorce: we start with retirement goals. The structure gives us a starting point. Your family gives us the map.

We start by building a clear picture of your children using a tool called temperament charting — originally developed in infant and toddler mental health, it works across all ages. Both parents complete the tool. If you answer the questions differently for the same child, that's where the gold is. Those differences in perception are often where the most important agreements get made. Every financial decision and logistical agreement starts with the parenting plan — and the parenting plan starts with a shared vision of your child's childhood and who you want them to grow into.

Before escalating to a third-party decision, the first question I always ask is: have we actually exhausted the options, or have we just exhausted the options we've already thought of? Impasse often feels final because both parties are working from the same limited set of possibilities. My job is to help you find the ones you haven't considered yet — to expand the pie before we start dividing it. That means bringing in outside perspectives: a conversation with your child's teacher, therapist, or doctor; a financial professional who can model options neither of you had considered; a consulting attorney who can clarify what the law actually says. New voices and new information change the landscape.

When everything has been tried and two people are left with two options they cannot choose between, there is a formal process. The issue gets reduced to a single, clean stipulation — one issue and two positions. Nothing else. No explanations. No justifications. What the judge receives is barebones by design — but that doesn't mean your position goes unheard. If you have an attorney, your counsel can provide context to the court. If not, you submit a brief personal statement. What I will not do is breach the confidentiality of our sessions or advocate for either party. A private arbitrator is also worth considering — faster than court, and the decision comes straight back to mediation where the work continues.